almost.. but not yet

twiddle dee dum. :)

exams are almost over.. but not quite yet. i've two more papers to go. both history papers - total war and europe of the dictators. and just when it counts the most.. motivation is increasingly in short supply.

it's that kind of feeling where you know that you need to push on.. you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you can smell the fresh air.. but somehow, you're not quite there yet.

papers
i am happy and quite content with the papers which i've had so far. thankfully, i mostly studied the right parts and managed to have enough to write. and to have ideas flowing and enough time to put everything down onto paper. :)

just two more to go. the most daunting of the whole lot. one level 2000 history mod - but marked by farrell so yipes! even though i totally love him now (just cos he's so nice) and he knows who i am now. :) and the other.. a level 3000 history mod, and i really have no confidence about that one. plus there are year 3s for competition too. :s

i have this inkling fear that the total war paper is going to have questions which are going to take quotations from readings i was supposed to have done (but well, have not done). :s.. and im not exactly sure how to really study for it. but, i quite like the content, i think.. and for most of the chapters, i understand what's going on i think. well, hopefully enough to be able to manage.

of vices and temptations
yipes. my wallet has a huuge hole right in the middle thanks to the wonderful world of online shopping. it's such a wonderfully colourful, beautiful world that offers so many opportunities and promises of satisfaction etc. i've found countless more sites to shop from. and i've got them saved in my bookmarks, under the heading - "drool". LOL

three dresses came.. im gonna use them as skirts instd.. cos the lining stops short and somehow, worn as a dress they aren't very flattering for me. anyway, i dont have any nice casual long skirts.. so all's good.

the bags finally came! :) im totally in love with one of them.. it's my new daily bag. lol

threadless tees are on the way.. i ordered 4 for myself.. and getting one for van for christmas or birthday or smth. :) can't wait.. esp for 'summer' and 'motovino'!! :):) my absolute faves!

apart from online shopping... due to nagging by kelvin and max (i think).. asking me to get a facebook account so they can get their hands on all the photos i've been taking. well.. i went and got a facebook account. about a week or two before exams?.. smth like that.

i am absolutely amazed.. facebook is SO much fun.
and well, more than that.. it has allowed me to re-connect with some people whom i would otherwise never have been able to get in touch with again. :)

and all the functions are so cool and funky. oh and albert, serene and justin lee have voted me as the most likely to poke them all the time! hahaha.. :):) right on! even brother sam and fr val have facebook lahh. shocker!

dependencies
siigh.. i realised that i have inadvertently built up some dependencies.. and well, sometimes it's really not a good thing.

#breakfast dependency.
there was a time when i used to never take breakfast. it was never my thing and i could survive the day until lunch. usually a simple nice cold can of milo would suffice.
but lately.. i've grown the (bad) habit of having a full breakfast every morning, in school. by the snack and kway teow stall.. beehoon and the chicken fillet/piece. even the auntie knows me already lah. :s they say breakfast is a good way to start the day.. but... :(:(

#friendships and msging
no elaboration needed i think.

christmas and carolling is coming!
it's the 1st of december.. the advent wreaths and candles are out at the churches.. and the rest of the family is busying about preparing the house for our yearly event and my most favourite time of year. the carpets are being cleaned, the cushion covers have been washed, dried and put back. i hear the vaccuum cleaner being used in the hall. i smell wonderful smells in the air.. the food is being cooked!! (ngoh hiang!! :D yum!!) all the excitement in the air around me. and i wish i could help out too.

the 9th of december is coming! ohh goodie goodie! :]
i can't wait.

and in another four days, this gal will officially be free.
just four more days to go. :)

vices

exam time is nigh.. and this is when everybody's vices start to appear.
in order to compensate for our extreme sense of despair at how close the exams are, or to 'reward' ourselves for any work that we put in.. we often indulge in our vices to make ourselves feel better.

for some, this means being on facebook 24/7. like quincy was telling me of himself the other day.. before he slept he was on facebook.. and first thing in the morning when he woke up, he was on facebook. and max who's finally succumb to the lure of facebook.. who's account is barely a week+ old? haha

for others, this means pigging out A LOT. anything to keep awake and keep the cogs of the brain going. i am not quite yet wholly guilty of this.. but im sure it will come soon. :)haha.. not quite yet wholly.. LOL

and for others yet, weiying and myself at least.. we have turned to the comforts and joys of online shopping in order to console or reward ourselves. okay, i am a bonafide addict of online shopping. as of now, i am EAGERLY awaiting the arrival (in the mail) of two dresses, a skirt, a pair of leggings. [and originally a belt too, but turns out the belt was damaged, so im not getting in anymore. :(] and in fact, i still have one bag and one handbag to collect - they're taking forever to come in!! and just yesterday night, while i was intending to just rest awhile browsing another new online shop i'd found.. i ordered# three more dresses. :D truth betold, i dont have enough casual dresses in my wardrobe. no wait, i dont have enough dresses full-stop. 'sides, it's actually kinda somewhat cheaper to shop online.. and since it's imported stuff, there's less chance of pple actually having the same thing as you.

# - i've paid for the dresses alr. :D yay.. which means they will come sooon! :]

*note:
when people are experiencing these symptoms, they themselves are often blind to it. and most of the time, they will be defensive and more than ready to justify their actions. their reasoning will be superb and even if you aren't convinced, aah just let them be in their dream world for awhile. people need respite from this mad world of projects, tests, assignments, essays, readings and now REVISION.. every now and then.

this gal has to go do morning prayers.
peace out. :)

AWOL

or in another words, Absent Without Leave.

Sorry that i have been absent from the blog for so long. It feels like forever since i last blogged. It's not that i didn't want to blog, but there just hasn't been very much time lately.

crunch-time is coming nearer and nearer.
day by day, minute by minute. I see the minutes ticking away on my countdown.

I am stressed. but somehow, not quite stressed enough.
Im stressed because i know well enough, how unprepared and behind (in just about everything) I am. But somehow not stressed enough to be able to take serious and concrete steps to really do something about all of this.

And that mere fact is stressing me out as well.

Hence due to time constraints, and my very disorganised brain, at this moment.. this entry is going to be quite dis-connected.

--
for you Lord
Morning and evening prayers these past two weeks have been great. It's so lovely to see different people come together each day to offer up some time in prayer together. And having other people to pray with and for you and your friends or family is really something special. :)

Reassurance
A reassuring message came to me on friday morning. In fact, both thursday and friday last week. The daily readings and the masses spoke to me and helped to reassure me that God would see to everything. But im not sure that that's a great thing. Of course it feels nice to be reassured, but i also firmly believe that God can only help those who help themselves. And while i hope that everything will turn out alright, because a chunk of my time is taken up with serving Him.. i know that i also have to put in some effort. Hopefully, the reassuring message helps to push me somehow.

CGs! :)
I really look forward to twice-weekly CSS events - CG and friday mass. And as the school term is swiftly and surely coming to an end soon.. i've come to the realisation that there are only three CG sessions left for the rest of this semester. I cannot even begin to tell you what a ride it's been for me. Three more CG sessions to enjoy to the maximum! :D

stress! :(
aaaahhh. I got back my total war history paper on thursday. That's the one which i rushed out in one day. :( and i did badly for it too. sighs.. B-. Oh man, what a disgrace of a history major i am. Going to see prof Farrell with Amelia tomorrow for post-mortem of our papers. Im scared shitless. yipes! hope i manage to survive it. :( But i need to go.. because i feel bad for letting the prof down and well, it's good to learn how to improve yeah. This can't go on, I must somehow turn into a history major with some "Oompfh" in her writing.

here's the line-up for the next few weeks:
and the reason for my stress]

-25th Oct.... Holocaust Project: research deadline
-26th OCt.... Political Science Essay Outline 'presentation' (in tutorial)
-31st Oct.... Nation-Building Essay Test (MUST SCORE THIS TIME!!)
-2nd Nov.... Political Science Essay due
-6th Nov.... Understanding the Universe MCQ Test (this will decide if i S/U e mod)
-9th Nov.... Dictators Essay due
-week 13.... Universe Group Project due
-17th Nov.... Total War Group Project completion date

Argh!

Awful temptation!
And through all this madness.. online shopping continues to be a perpetual temptation which i need to battle each time im on the computer. Argh. If only i wasn't so broke. sucks to be broke!! :(

Anyway, with all the madness in my life and trouble managing time.. i think it's time to cut blogging entries for awhile.

Hiatus Application
Hence, i hereby attach my application for a hiatus.
pls do not expect to see a new entry for awhile, unless i go insanely mad and MUST blog. And i also will probably not be online very much either, unless i happen to have total war project discussions or something.

just a personal message in the meantime:

char: im so glad we were able to hang out altogether as a group on your birthday. had lots of fun. you rock on gal! will send you the pics at pol sci lect on thurs can? :)


The hiatus is only temporary. I'll be back once the exams end. :)
Anyway, that's assuming i'll be able to fight the temptation to write one or two (or a few) short entries between now and when the exams start.. which i highly doubt. LOL

All the best for your papers, projects, assignments darlings!
lotsa love!!

superbly overdue!!

okay okay. time for updates! :)

i've been playing with the stuff in the side-bar as you can see. there's a new slide pic slideshow. :D it's so pretty.. im damn happy with it. and there's music to go with it. which you can mute if you like. and there's a radio blog thingy.. from which you can play music.. but sorry, not all of the songs load properly.

before i delay further.
i present to you the Arts DOR pictures which i took. :)


germ.me.joyce :]


germs with lanterns! :)


joyce.germs.elizabeth with sparklers!


lantern mania!! :D


elizabeth.amandaL.germs.joyce!


yay.. group pic 1 :D


DOR grp pic 2 :)


yay.. resident tues cg guitarists! gerg and niic :D


cher.joyce.bridgette :D


manda Tan..the birthday gal! :)


magic the driver! :) with four gals in his car on the way to ashley's. disgruntled frm being poked in the neck by your's truly. :D lol


cg lunch at white sands swensen's! :D

--

okay. enough photos already! :)
next round of photo uploads will be of my beloved CG. and we're having a CG outing tmr also.. so that means even more pictures! :) woohoo.

-and i've just wasted the whole night on the com again.

and by the way.. just in case anybody was wondering.
it's SIX weeks to finals.

yipes. wanna go and find one of those countdown thingies.. so can motivate and scare myself whenever i come to the blog to waste time. hmm...

--
and morning and evening prayers have begun! :)
yayyyy.. happy. :]

announcement:
Arts is having morning and evening prayers at the Arts corner of The Deck everyday :)
morning prayers are at 9.30am. and evening prayers are at 4pm.
we'll be doing The Angelus, bible reading for the day and then end off with a conversational prayer. do join us if you can! :)
handouts will be printed, just bring your lovely selves.

la da de da, la da de da

:)
no worries.. i haven't gone bonkers or anything.
im just.. happy. and cldn't find the words to express it in a title. or well, nothing that's not cliched came to mind. so yeah.

so.. i found 'inspiration' in the tune from the starhub commercial. because.. ryan just showed me this morning.. this starhub commercial that he and his brother did, as part of a competition. and it's REALLY good! :)

must go see!! and watch it over and over kkaes.
starhub advert - first date

and after you've watched it. help him vote for it, cos it's so funny.
click here and search for 'first date' and you'll find the video. then vote for it! :]

i hope my basic html skills allows all this stuff to come out okay. :)

and if they win.. haha.. maybe we can jostle/convince them to give us a treat. hehe jus kidding! :]
--

Recess Week!

it's over. so sad. sigh. oh well. it was an undoubtedly good week. despite being too short. i slacked a lot. i came to school just 3 times that week. the first two times.. to get research for my history paper.. photocopying (which i like). but that doesn't mean i read very much of it.

then there was CSS Arts Day of Recollection on Tuesday. and that totally rocked! :] kudos to the arts comm! haha.. and the mid-autumn lanterns and sparklers lol that was fun stuff!

check out this pic.

got it courtesy of niic. :) and in the pic is alex (female), justin, gerg or jem or alex (male)?? (mystery person) and elizabeth! :]


*EDIT: it has been clarified!! the mystery person is none other than our dear niic!! :) so sorry dude!

-unfortunately.. i haven't had a chance to upload my own pics from that day yet. the temptation was GREAT. but in all the madness of rushing papers.. i just couldn't afford the time. will do so in time.
-justin's blog is a good place to see pics from tuesday. he always takes a lot of pics and puts them up. :D go trigger happy on my links.


*and i have an announcement to make: i only tried mooncake for the first time THIS year. hehe only white lotus (without yolk pls)

spent time at home with grandma on thursday and friday. because she's just had a cataract operation done and there was no one else who could stay at home to takecare of her. :) but that was all good.

i like to ask her random things smetimes.. just for the fun of it.
and i love how she likes to twitch her toes every now and then.
she got married at NINETEEN. good god.
im expired already then. lol


and the rest of the week - the whole weekend, basically, was devoted to rushing my essays.

Essay Madness

whoa. never in all my two and a half semesters of uni.. have i ever come so close to the deadline.

i had two essays to do this recess week. one was research-based, for HY3227 Europe of the Dictators. the other was a mid-term take home essay (no research required) for HY2216 Total War: 1815-1945.

i only started proper on the essays on err early saturday morning. [in the wee hours] because of the whole slew of things which took up my recess week. it was a gruelling weekend man. the third time i came to school was on saturday. and surprisingly and comfortingly enough, i wasn't the only one in school on a saturday. :] arthur was around.. and amelia was around. thank god for dear fellow history majors to help me feel less stressed! :] *hugz
and later on.. albert and max came too. haha.. we had our own little css corner within the central library's reference section. sort of. lol

i finished (excl editing) the dictators essay later that night, after having had a wonderful run :). i went for bible study on sunday morning (with great faith that god would give me time) and only started on the total war essay after lunch, around 1/2pm. only to find that it was due 23:59 that day. yipes. and consulted my sis for ideas and a little bit of help. :] yayness.

i submitted the total war essay at 11pm. haha.
and then happily went on to look around blogs cos i felt so much relief.
phew! :)

Online Shopping

oh no. the craze has got its hold on me.
im new to this whole online shopping thing.
and i am absolutely amazed at how students manage to up-keep such endeavours at the same time as manage school-life. amazed.

to date.. i've bought two bracelets. (collecting TMR!! :] heehee)
and i've ordered two bags. :] yummy.
and im going to be broke at this rate. if i keep going to these websites and buying stuff that is. and i just got my allowance on sunday night. haha

there's this website which is superly tempting me with stuff.
but the thing is.. a lot of the clothes are Free-size.
im still not sure if i dare to buy clothes online. as in.. what if it doesn't fit?? and you noehow sometimes, some things may look nice on the rack/mannequin but just not quite right on you?? and free-size??!! what if it's superly big and i drown in it?

haha okay. enough of a peek into my paranoid and frenzied mind.
i'll see how. but my first foray into the world of online shopping. woohoo. exciting stuff. i'll see if i feel like buying anymore after collecting this round of stuff. :D can't wait.

and since this entry seems like one of referrals.. might as well continue. the three sights im currently stuck on and which have gotten me started on the world of online shopping:
-doptadoodle
-fuss over me
-the sisters company

*doptadoodle is by pple from NUS.
and i also dont noe why im increasing competition for myself. lol. but these sites are realli good, go check it out! :]

Back to School

tralala.
im feeling much better now that i've submitted all my papers. and i haven't got any tests or anything much else to worry about for now.

cept for catching up and keeping up. which was the original goal i was hoping to fulfil with recess week. haha.

that having been said. i've had an awakening of sorts. or maybe perhaps revelation is a better word. *shrugs shoulders*
anyway.. i've realised.. half the sem is already gone. and this sem is supposed to be the sem which will pull my CAP up. because im taking one cross-fac and one hist (which is an ss mod). and lately.. that just doesn't look like it's going to happen.

i got a C+ for my universe mcq test.
and it was an open-book test too. basket!
and i dont have a partner for the project. and looks like they might be going to assign for those who dont have. so much for thinking i could jus go it alone. hopefully i get put with someone whom i can work with.

nation-building test has come and gone.
but i dont have any confidence about it. so i dunno. and i haven't been keeping up with readings. sighs.

so, some resolutions need to be made if there is to be any hope at all for salvaging my results this sem. resolutions dont only have to be made at new year you know. :)

1-no more falling aslp during classes.
well, this has been a long time coming lah huh. (yes justin.. i can see you nodding your head vigorously. u awful nag!) should have rectified it a long time ago. i'll snack if i have to (yes, i will have to) but somehow or other, i must stop falling aslp in class.

2-spiritual time stays
i've started a few good habits this sem with regards to spirituality.. and im going to try to keep to them as far as possible. :)

3-make better use of time
argh. this means.. probably less blog entries and (hopefully) less online purchases, less time wasted being on msn and on the gmail and well less stoning and wasting time online basically. i dont know where all my time goes.. but this would probably be the major culprit. general wastage of time.

hmm.. okay. just these few for now.

HIGHLIGHT of the week: being lifted up in the middle of the canteen

courtesy of dear, darling wei ying.
honestly dear! totally caught me by surprise lah. happily hug you then you go and LIFT me up off the ground.. in the midde of The Deck, at lunchtime. in front of kelvin, max, theresa thia and jelene. WTH. lol and they all um-chio (laugh to themselves) down there, pretending not to have seen. lol think i dont noe onli. ROFL


whee. the rest of the week to go. :)
good luck to all those having tests, essays and exams to tackle still.

into the ocean

recess week is finally here.

all's good and bad at the same time.
but bad always takes over the emotions more and makes sure it's heard out.
the good tries to squeeze out a whisper but is barely heard.

somebody's stepping on my toes and pushing all the wrong buttons. and it's realli just not sitting well with me. and the worst part of it all.. there's nothing i can do.


i wont be blogging about it.
instd.. im putting up the lyrics of a song which i like.. and which is mildly appropriate for the mood im in right now.

into the ocean - blue october

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life that's sadly stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like "Fourteen miles away"

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just ran out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
Be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now.. come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed and floated into space

I want to swim away but don' know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now.. come down
Let the rain come down

Now walking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow
Just to prove I knew how
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
So thought no end my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)


-i love the chorus.

--
on a lighter note.. the good whispers:

-grandma's cataract op went just fine.
she's just taking sme time to recover.
-i went running yesterday.. and my legs ache.
-i've got research for my hist essay.
jus gotta get down to reading the stuff.
-i went threading today!!
-i love that im close to van now. :)
-i want to watch gene kelly movies in the next holidays.
and singing in the rain!

and tmr is cg lunch, arts dor, mooncake celeb day. :)

tmr will be a better day.
it just has to be.

at last! :)

i have been ITCHING to blog the past few days.. BUT i abstained from doing so because of the madness of tests which came upon me.
and at last, my two tests are over. :)

that just leaves one mini class presentation [if you can call it that] on friday.. and two essays to tackle over the week.
both the essays are due on the same day - mon, 1st oct. haha
oh well, at least only one is reserach-based. the other one is more a take-home exam/test. :)

that having been said. there's a few things that have happened these last few days which are worthy of mention:

firstly..
MELVIN IS BACK!!! :)

yayness, we're so glad to have you back melvin.
[as you can see.. we gladly put you to full use! :)]

secondly..
our new maid is such a joy. lol.
grandma gets along with her well.. and that's realli important.
but not only that, she's so cute smetimes -let me show you an example.

the other day.. i was going to bathe.. when i realised smth strange about the toilet.
see for yourself:


standing at attention

and here's another view of the line-up:


amazing. i called my sis over. and she thought it was my brother trying to be funny.. turned out it wasn't. so we realised that it must've been the maid. mum and dad got called down to take a look too and we all ended up laughing uncontrollably. :]


thirdly..
father's sermon last friday.. was of great inspiration to me :)
and im glad that we took that idea for cg!

it's been realli wonderful. i love my cg members! :)
esp when there are pple like amanda leong and germ and joyce and pris and niic.. and victor and vivien and ranneth and jem and russell and sharon and elizabeth and audrey and deborah and amanda tan etc.. [yeah i think i just named everybody :)]
they're all so fantastic.
and it's great to noe that the sessions are benfitting pple. truly amazing.

just smth to share with you.. a cross in my pocket:


had to make the pic bigger so that you can read the words.
it is truly a wonderful poem.
thank you verna mae thomas :)

--

okay.. that's it for the pictures part. :)

on another note.
smth's been repeatedly knocking agst my door and drumming itself into me lately.

im a history major.. it's time to bring out the polish and shine!
wy was v sweet today.. msged ta wish me gd luck for nation-building test..
wy: "gd luck for e test. u can do it, u r born to ace hist"
me: hahahaha.. thanks dear. i guess i haven't realised my destiny yet then. lol

no more room for mediocre.
time to step it up a little and be as sharp as history majors are supposed to be.

as nonis and justin were talking cock on the way to nation-building test today.. we shld aim for the stars.. so that even if you fall.. it'll be alright.
-cept that you may get lost in outer space lah LOL
-hopefully smebody will bring you back.

time i aimed for the stars a little..


psst.. RECESS WEEK IS COMING!!! :]
yay! tra-la-la dum-dee-dum

whhoooot! :)

okay. this blog is beginning to be a real distraction. lol

the weekend is coming to a close. already!!
hmm.. time just seems to fly by lately.
i've spent a lot of this weekend.. sleeping. and eating?

oh well. for a good cause i guess.
hopefully, more sleep means i sleep less during lectures. haha.. note the keyword- hopefully. lol

seriously.. i seem to be pigging out during meals these days.
perhaps it's a sign that the uninvited monthly guest is coming. hmm.
or maybe im just becoming a pig. or swine.. as justin, max and nonis like to [affectionately?] call each other. lol :)

damn.. time to start eating less and exercising more.
but with all these commitments and plus trying to catch up on work/readings.. sigh.. i must start running again during recess week. and hopefully.. try and fit in a squash game (or two) smewhere. :D

--
im re-discovering the world of blogs again. lol
beginning to find pple's blogs and getting caught up reading about pple's lives.

exciting stuff.
and yet another all-too-pleasant distraction. :)

--
i love community!

it's realli amazing to me.. this whole belonging to a spiritual community.
i think it's so beautiful the way we had a rosary offered up for brian tonight.
we didn't have to gather together in one place, we didn't have to know the full story behind his illness. it doesn't matter.. all that matters is that we are united in our faith and prayers.

at 10.30pm tonight.. when i switched off my room lights, lit a candle and offered up one rosary for brian.. there was a nice sense of solidarity that came over me.. noeing that elsewhere around the island, other friends were doing the same. and it realli struck me that our's is a community that truly loves and cares for each other. and above all, we lift each other up to God because he knows best.

i realli appreciate being part of css more and more each day. :)

--

resolution
-a solution, accommodating or settling of a problem.

things were finally resolved the other night.
it was a lot easier than i thought. smehow.
not that everything's completely dandy now.. but at least concerns and differences have been aired and a new clean slate to start from is always nice.

--

progress report

tralala.
hmm.. readings wise.. i haven't realli been able to do as much as i'd like.
im still trying to work on it.

tonight.. i'll finish up whatever nation-building readings i can.
and maybe type sme stuff to help me rmbr.

[it's terrible.. im a history major.. and more often than not.. i fall aslp over readings.. and forget what was in the readings :(
this just won't do.]

tmr.. hmm.. after we settle cg stuff.. i shall be getting more readings perhaps.
and then spending the rest of the day till lessons start.. listening to Universe lecture recordings.
oh joy. what fun.
*pls note that last line is loaded with sarcasm*

battle-stations!!

the weekend is here. it's been one helluva hectic week. from meetings - arts comm, cgls, pol sci tut grp. and smehow i actually managed to survive all of it. phew.. thanks god.

the amazing thing is.. despite all the hectic-ness.. i actually had some good days and it wasn't all bad. :)

bfast with char yest!! :) i got a free ride to sch.. in a nice car :D:D
thnx babe. it's always a joy ta ride in ur car. smooooothride.
and the best thing of all.. is that we had matching outfits!! and we didn't even coordinate!! :D
hahas.. uber cool stuff. and it was fun ta catch up over bfast.
yayness.. now there's smth more to look forward to every alt week. :)

see for yourself! :)



--

aaaahhh...
panic attack.

i've just re-organised all my lect notes, readings etc..
having a slight panic attack.
well.. maybe that's just what i need to find that drive again.
yipes. just a little bit of pressure to force the engine to get started properly again.

time to man the battle-stations. mid-terms are coming!!!
okay.. actually.. im still quite fortunate/lucky cos i havent got quite as much coming at me as other pple do. i've got two mid-term tests next week.. and one mini presentation.
-Understanding the Universe: MCQ test [open book :)]
-Nation-Building: Essay test [closed book :(]

im not soo scared for Universe.. although im still falling aslp in lectures.
im thinking i'll most probably try and find sme time to listen to the recordings of those lectures which i've yet to catch up on.

the one im realli worried for is Nation-Building.
not only because im behind in readings.. but because my memory on all this stuff which we've learnt before in JC.. isn't as good as i wld've thought/hoped. or maybe i need to refresh it more. and smemore.. there's only going to be one bloody question. that's stupid! and my tutor said that we must use our readings.. :9 yipes.

-im just looking forward to:
+cg on tuesday [for which we've not finished planning yet!! :(]
+and joining wed cg for dinner after nation-building test

the mini discussion aiyah.. shouldn't be a problem.
already met my group yesterday to dicuss.. and i think it shld be alright.. shall just spend wednesday night.. putting the stuff together. after all the madness of wednesday.

-the stupid test happens to be from 6-8pm. on my bloody free day.
and i wld've intended to go to sch to study anyway.. but well.. all the way in the evening!!

other than that.. just one essay due on the 1st of oct.
for which i've already gotten some research.. but well, i have yet to read thru the research [damn, more reading!]

--

okay. this weekend.. the focus shall be catching up on nation-building readings.
my year 2 common sense tells me.. aiyah.. it can't be thaat hard lah. it's just a one-hr essay test.. just use common sense and hopefully background knowledge to make insightful points. 1 hr only means prolly.. 4 pages or so?

first essay test of the sem.
can't afford to lose too much panic either.
it may be the onli thing that can give me back that drive i need.

--

shite. im so going to be a chao mugger this recess week.
die-die hafta catch up on a lot of stuff.
anybody care to join me in sch?? :) lol

well.. we'll see.

whirlwind

wtnb.

okay.. sorrie for starting the entry with that.
but i just typed out a nice long entry.. and then the internet had a problem and just closed down the whole thing.
grrr..
hate when that happens.

okay.. briefly.

hmm.. smehow i feel like i've been in the middle of a whirlwind lately.
like there's a lot going on around me.. but im just trying to keep up. and so far.. im not reali doing a very good job, trying to keep up in anything. it's all going too fast.. and all at the same time.

1-lectures and readings

yes. im still falling aslp in lectures. it's week 5. recess week is coming... we're almost half-way through the semester. sighs. principally it's Understanding the Universe and Total War. and it's quite sad.. because they aren't particularly bad, superbly boring lectures.. well, not exactly anyway.

Universe.. the lecturer dims the lights.. and plus im not taking it with any close friends.. so there isn't realli anyone to joke/gossip/talk cock with.

Total War.. it's very sad.. cos farrell is a good lecturer.. and i do find wars interesting.. it's just that smetimes the lectures get a wee bit dry.. and they are very long. i think it's got more to do with the fact that it's held on mondays 4-7pm.. and by that time i've already spent a large part of the day in the library, attempting to study.. and have already become quite drained.

readings. haha. im a history major smemoere. how to run away from readings?
and im taking three history modules this sem. out of which.. im only more or less up to date, as far as readings are concerned, for.. err.. one of them i think. lol nation-building.. im kinda taking for granted that we've covered this stuff before in JC.. but then again.. i dont rmbr all of it as well as i could/should.

im just realli glad im not taking german anymore. phew!
my consistency levels have dropped considerably.. i just wldn't be able to handle a language this sem.

2-being a CGL

hmm.. this has been a learning process for me. there are still things which im figuring out along the way.. and it's all good for my spiritual life.. but generally, it's taking up too much time. the planning and preparation.. when i was considering whether or not to become a cgl.. i told myself.. aiyah.. as a participant, i attend all the sessions anyway.. how much more commitment could it require? but seriously.. planning and preparation does take quite a bit of time.

but it's not so much the fact that it takes time that's a problem.
it's more that doing cg stuff/prep provides such a wonderful distraction from all the other stuff i shld be doing. i mean.. i'd MUCH rather twiddle with the cg handout, look thru passages on bible gateway, look for hymns/pictures for the handout etc.. then do my readings. :(

3-finding the balance: work, family, css, friends

argh. where does all my time go?
css twice-weekly events [CG and friday mass] are prolly the happiest time of my week.. but i can't afford any more than this. and i'd feel guilty having more dinners out.. daily dinners are family affairs in my family. and already.. im having trouble trying to keep up. those two days are effectively gone, as far as studying is concerned.

tuesdays are pretty packed with lessons.. plus worrying abt/prepping for CG.
then by the time i get home.. i take a bath.. try and catch up with family members.. and then.. if im tempted enough.. i'll prolly go online and waste sme time before heading to bed.

then weekends. bible study. and im trying v hard to make going to the adoration rm for an hr a weely habit. if at least to catch up on my bible readings. YES.. im behind on my bible readings too! sighs. lol

--
TIME TO FIND THE DRIVE AGAIN!!

was chatting online with justin lee last night.. yeah man.. he's right.. it's time to prioritise woman!!

sighs. the inspirational wallpaper on my laptop isn't working. and the feeling/mood system isn't very good either. time to try and put a new system in place. spiritual elements are all pretty much in place.. just need to spend a bit more effort in trying to get studies on track too.

drive, by Incubus

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear.
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before,
and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find I
should be the one behind the wheel.

Chorus
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes. yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there,
I'll be there.

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
will I choose water over wine
and hold my own and drive? oh oh oooh.
It's driven me before
and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that
when I drive myself my light is found.

Chorus
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes. Yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there,
I'll be there...

Would you choose water over wine....
hold the wheel and drive?

Chorus
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes.
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
I'll be there

Dududuu Dududu Dududududu
Tomorrow Dududududuu
Dududuuu Dududu Dududududu
Tomorrow...

--

time to try and hold the wheel and drive. :)
i guess that would constitute getting off the bloody internet and getting on with my readings.. cos it's alrady almost 11am.

(damn. i knew this wld happen if i brought my laptop along. needless to say, i brought it along anyway.)

boo!

hmm.. okay.

this seems a weird time to be starting a new blog.
but for some reason.. i feel inspired to do so.
i've kept to a private blog for a long time now.. a period of isolation of sorts. more of the emo stuff that's realli not very palatable anyway.

but i've realised that i miss having a blog where pple can comment and inject more fun into my life. :)

so.. the birth of this new blog. :]
it's 1.38am now.. so i dont think i'll be able to sort out all the little decorative bits and pieces that usually come in when you set up a new blog.
tagboard etc.. yet :)
akan datang ok.

timing.
haha. im far behind in readings.. and there's a paper coming which i haven't realli prepared for.
and im still falling aslp during lectures.. and i dont realli have a good grasp on what's going on in most of my classes.

but heck.
time for a change.
and a place for venting and sharing and jus letting loose.
esp since the holidays are long gone and im gonna hafta wait DAMN long before i get to hang loose in a club. :(

--

today.. was a loooong day.

finished up cg prep early in the morning.
hope our cg members will have fun with it! :)

photocopied some research for the dictators essay.
hopefully.. they're relevant and useful in some way or other.
and i found a whole bunch of potentially useful-looking books from lvl 3! :D

hmm.. it's the reading that's the hard part. haha.. will grumble more about that when i get to it. :(

what made today REALLI long was total war lect!!
first farrell lectured from 4-7pm. [and i kept falling aslp]
and then he showed us a movie on churchill.
at least this time it was a HBO feature film, and not some super old movie. :)
The Gathering Storm. interesting stuff. :)
the movie took us till 8.30pm.

whoa. 4 hrs man.
thank god for snacks and milo. :)


aft the lecture.. went up to the library and kelvin and elaine were there studying. haha :) just went to say hi.. then went home for dinner!
it's been awhile since i've been in sch till dark.
kinda brought my mind back to o-week days.. a looong time ago. lol

OH OH OH!!
for some reason,i got high-happy after lecture ended.
i was waiting at the sheltered atm area near the central library for aunt to fetch me. and this woman driving a bmw came by.

she looked to be in her late 20s/early30s.
let me tell you.. she cannot park.
she positioned her car for the lot.. backed into it.. and had to adjust cos she ended up in btwn the middle and third lot. so she took off her seat-belt and stuck her whole head out of her window and reversed and turned the wheel at the same time.
meanwhile.. her car was coming SO CLOSE to the pillar on the other side.. i was standing there aghast..

no.. she didn't hit the pillar. thankfully.
but well.. turns out im not so pathetic after all.
i may not be able to park well.. but i dont think im as bad as that.. and she's a lot older.. plus she drives such a nice car.

jus waiting.
im jus waiting to turn 21.. and my honda jazz! :):)

--
i was on the fone with char over the weekend and i realised..
AAHHHH.. we're ONE week away from recess week!!

you've GOT to be kidding.
already!!.. oh man.
what have i been doing?
seems like it's all just whizzed by.

seriously.. where does all my time go?
-(sleeping in) lectures
-css stuff twice a week. cg and mass.
-cg planning.
-attempting to do readings in the library with css pple.
-extended lunches of fellowship and talking cock.

okay.. maybe im just getting a little bit too anxious.
after all.. 1st of october's still kinda far away isn't it?
okay, dont answer that. (im in denial)

--

CG tmr!! :)
exciting stuff.

okay, it's 2am. and i havne't packed my bag. or done any work yet tonight.

but before i go.. i shall 'steal' a line from the movie! :)
"K.B.O. - the order of the day. Keep Buggering On"
it's my new motto too!